part II.

Worse than better
It ended before it even got started
I miss nothing
Not even the simple hello
The kiss after we said hello
The kiss before we said goodbye
I don’t miss it

I did learn more about my ways
The deal breakers
What I would
What I couldn’t compromise
I learned I could be the bad guy
But I learned something

Good men do stupid things
Stupid men love when it’s really a like
I was the smart one
No regrets, no feelings
Its over
Again. No regrets

Part I.

I want to tell him but I’m afraid things will change

I enjoy our conversations
He has a strong voice which ignites my attention
I enjoy his stories
Learning while exploring his world
I want him

Things will change

The time will soon come when a decision will be made

We are both grown
We are both mature
We both want each other
We will unite

I want to tell him
I should tell him
Tell him that I’m officially his
Tell him that he’s my one & only
I could tell him that I love him
But that’s what the future is for
Today, I’ll just tell him I’m starting fresh
I’m going to love like I’ve never been hurt before
& see where it takes me

Hopefully to a part II.

my naked soul

I’m afraid of the world ending
I’m afraid of living a lie
I’m afraid to have love come my way
There’s a lot of fear in my mind
I fear snakes
I fear scorpions
I fear living my life alone
I’m afraid of falling in love while he doesn’t love me back
I’m afraid of having a failed friendship
I’m afraid to trust
I have a deep fear in my body
I fear suffering
I fear homelessness
I fear God
I’m afraid my life doesn’t matter
I’m afraid of being loved
I’m afraid of letting go
I fear the new
I free freedom
I fear change

I am afraid of not having control

10 digits

10 digits doesn’t mean anything to me
A number is just a number
You text & I may reply
You call & I may answer

10 digits is my one night stand
My sex without emotion
My guilty pleasure
When I see numbers, I’m never disappointed
10 digits can act a fool
Within a moment,
I will forget they even existed

Your digits I can’t get out of my mind
Your name sets the tone for a connection
Your name reminds me of our past
Its sets my mind to believe we can do this
We can work things out

If I change these 10 digits to your name
I’m afraid my emotions may begin its marathon
I will remember how seeing your name …
made me smile
made me miss you
made me want you even more

If I change these 10 digits to your name
I may start feeling sorry for you
I may want you back
I may allow your ways back into my life

After reflecting …
your name will go unlisted
So you can call or text
I may reply, I may answer or I may leave it be
Just now know,
your 10 digits mean nothing to me.

HIM

I need you like I’ve never needed you before

I’ve always been afraid to talk to you
I always feel like you’re judging me
I know you have the right to be upset with me
I have done wrong

I should talk to you more
I should believe in you more
My strength is failing
My mental state is fading
I need you

Please forgive me for my wrongs
Please love me again
Watch over me, protect me
Make me think wiser
Make me trust the intangible
Make me believe in you

I’ve always had a fear for death
I’ve always knew you existed
I’ve always felt like I was someone special to you
I’ve always wanted to please you

I miss the peace I used to feel
I miss the comfort of knowing you were around
I miss the days when I knew everything was going to be alright

I miss you.

giving up

I think I may give up
I've been running & hiding 
My feet are sore
I'm out of breath
I need shoes
I need socks 
I need fresh air
I need water
I've been running for some time while
hiding behind bricks trees & cars

I will give up & stop running
I will stop hiding & give up

My soul will be left bare
My heart will be pumping fear somewhere in the middle
I'm scared to try again 
I'm afraid of what could come
I'm not quitting 
I'm just giving into love

happy alone

There’s a reason why I said I’ll be happy alone.
It wasn’t because I thought I’ll be happy alone.
It was because I thought if I loved someone & then it fell apart,
I might not make it.
It’s easier to be alone because what if you learn you need love
& then you don’t have it?
What if you like it & lean on it?
What if you shape your life around it & then it falls apart?
Can you even survive that kind of pain?
Losing love is like organ damage, it’s like dying.
The only difference is…
Death ends but this can go on forever.

- Ellen Pompeo