I can only love so much

(1/3)


I get out of bed
Sweating
Shaking
Trembling
My mind is injured

From the deepest part of my soul
I write until I get the pain out
I’m finally alone
finally lonely
finally forgotten
I can only love so much until I call it quits
Love is a challenge, not a competition
I always feel like I have something to prove
Then I remind myself there is only one me
Perfectly imperfect
Love is a losing game
A game I wish not to ever play
I begin to breathe with a mellow pause
Then I fall asleep alone

I can only love so much until I cry no more
Tears & more tears
No more ‘til I tuck my flaws to sleep
One shot to my heart without breaking my skin
I still feel out of breath
Pumping & searching for more energy to my soul
I feel defeated
I feel lost
I feel incomplete
I feel lonely

I can only love so much until I give it all away
I always loved
I always cared
But then there was a part of me that was never there
So no more words I can hold back to say
Honestly speaking
I’m dying inside
Meanwhile looking for someone to confide in
I was once in love
Until the truth came to me with a lie
I was once full of passion
Until lust wondered away from me
I was once full of hope
Until my heart broke into pieces

I can only love so much until I realize the truth
Laying down my regrets
The heart of the matter
I said good morning to a new day
Good morning to the fact I’m alone
Good morning to the innocence of loneliness
Good morning acceptance & strength
Completely engaged to my inner power
The only love I have is me
The only love I need is me
The only love I wanted was you

Friends & Family
I love you all
Maybe just a little too much
I can only love so much until I stop loving myself
I cry silently
From loving you all crazy
This is not who I want to be
Your short-comings
Your mishaps
Your problems
I carry with me like it’s my own
I love too much
& in other cases not enough
Getting it together is what’s first on my list
I’m holding in all this agony with a flick fist

I can only love so much until I collapse
I’m afraid to touch again
I’m afraid to pray again
I’m afraid to cry again
I’m afraid of seeing me again
I was once headed in the right direction
Spent so much time with my head in the clouds
Now I have my feet on the ground
Walking safely back to my bed
Where I will rest my nerves
Before I end up dead
I reflect on my trouble
As my words will not be in vain
Safe & sound
I sleep another night
Waking up alone
Yet again