p i e c e s (part I)

On average
I’m sleeping three hours a night
My days are longer & my nights are lasting forever
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep
I can’t love this way again

At night
Every 20 minutes I wake up to pieces
Every other second my heart slows down
Every day is a struggle
I’m broken

During the day
The clouds cover the sun
My world is now misty & dry
I’m far away from another cry
Because recently I've been feeling like I’m about to die

my writing ability

I’m trying to write something
Make my words flow but my thoughts are unclear
I’m trying to connect these words
Make them make sense

Do I make sense?

My work defines my humanity within
My writing is a reflection of my soul,
people don’t get to see
So why can’t I write something today?
Is my life changing or
am I just not deep in thought enough?

My direction is unheard of at this point
I’m looking at the ceiling,
wondering what is next?
Nothing is there...

The confusion in my head
My reasoning is denied
I need to write about something
a feeling, an emotion,
a desire, a purpose

This empty thought of mine
has to be going somewhere
At least to another dimension
besides the one I’m already in

So I’m writing now...

The bare feeling I have inside
Lacking the trust within myself

I think & think
Thinking...
some more

Until I can no longer think

I’ve written about my unworthy ability to imagine
I lack value in the present
I’m worthless to the degree of defeat

I just wrote about my uncertain writing ability

reality

It takes a second to say "I love you" but a lifetime to show it.

you, you, you (too simple)

You drive me crazy
You make me want to love harder
You are amazing

I can’t wait to see you again
I miss you
I love the way you smile

You are my world
You make me believe in me
You drive me wild

I love how you make me smile
I miss your touch
I can’t wait to hold you in my sleep

You drive me bananas
You make my heart skip a beat
You are my everything

I can’t wait to look into your eyes
I miss your laugh
I love what we have

We have something special
We are love
We have a special bond

This is just too simple

he HATES me

The likelihood of him
The man that gave me life
He gave me these thoughts
The thoughts that make others hate me

My inner feelings
Shameful at times to tell a soul
He already knew my thoughts
He invented my thoughts

I’m an evil individual
It’s a SIN to be me
But he put these thoughts in my head
Since I can remember
The attraction I have for my kind
This addiction can’t be washed away with soap
or cleared with cocoa butter

Others experience these feelings much later in life
After high school or
when they are adults
But not me
He gave me these feelings early
I was less than five years old
A baby to this place called earth
I was innocent once...
new to this world
He put thoughts in my head
I was unaware of
Scared to ask questions...
the same sex looked good to me

This attraction for death
Hate crimes exist highly for my kind
He gave me these feelings while
Others have different situations
Molestation can drive them to my place
Drug Addiction can lead them to my path
Trends lead them in front of me

These feelings are not man-made,
not made-up
He gave me these feelings &
he wants me to change???
At least this is what the world thinks

He must hate me...
giving me this inclination so early
Drug addicts have a choice,
Cigarette smokers have a choice
Volunteering feelings in my head exist
Without my notification
It’s not my fault I am the way I am
Feelings so vigorous
so UN denied

He loves me, the bible says
I’m no different from the boy born blind,
the girl born with one leg,
the boy born with AIDS
He chose me for reasons unknown
I must still live for him,
Praise Him,
& Cherish Him
I thought he hated me
until I realized he was just
being GOD

Love is stronger than pride (finale)

If I could sing, I would sing to the stars
While I fly to the moon
My pride tried to get the best of me
Until love proved how strong it could be

I was with beautiful
I was with my love
I was with beautiful
I was with my heart

He looks at me like no other
He touches me like I’m the only one who matters
The way he kissed me, I knew he felt the same
In my head, he is mine
I am his & we will be fine

I will love him forever
It will be my mission to please his heart
Promising not to intentionally hurt him
I am human, he is human
We both have been hurt
He hurts when I’m hurt
I hurt when he is hurt
Our hurt will become a stronger love

I never felt this way about loving anyone
I thought I was the only one in love
Until he grabbed my hand when I was about to leave
Kissed & hugged me all over again until I believed
Its amazing how you can feel a person’s heart by their touch
I’m in love with a Leo

The one I cared for the most, made me cry the worst
The one that hurt me the worst, I will love the most
I guess love is stronger than pride
My respect for him goes through the sky
So now its time to spread our wings & never cry
I will always love him

Every moment with him I realize how lucky I am
He melts my heart
He pleases my soul
I can finally step up & face the truth

I’m in love…

Love is stronger than pride (part II)

He left me before sunset
My eyes were brick red
Soon to be sunless
I’m wounded

I need to get away
Get away from here
I need time to heal
My heart is breaking
My energy is decreasing
I’m tired
I’m hurting inside because I care so much
I wish my love could fade

I’m starting to dream about him
Waking up in the middle of the night
wondering if he is thinking of me
I would like to sleep & never dream

When he wakes up,
When he sees a plane in the sky,
When he goes to bed,
do I cross his mind?

I guess its all in my head
I want to hate him so much
But when he calls me,
I pick up the phone
& my love grows stronger
When I receive his text
My eyes rush to read his words

But sitting here waiting on him, would be like waiting on winter