waited and hated and faded

For the longest, I felt the need to be loved. Though in this need, I tried to find myself. I believed I needed to be loved in order to be complete. I needed someone to love me so I knew that guy in the mirror was someone. I needed to be loved, so I could love me. I was afraid walking this planet by myself. No more.

"the idea of "love" is beautiful."

At this point in life, I don't believe in marriage, relationships of any kind. I do cherish the genuine essence of a connection with someone. Nothing is forever, but the idea of "love" is beautiful. Like any idea, its man made. I read somewhere "construit pour être seul." Means "built to be alone." Destiny is made by decisions made in the present, I just decided.

Many wont agree, "love heals all" or "love will come" or my favorite, "you're crazy." That's fine. "I see and hear everything and still smile...yet Im no God"

Thank you Mahad :-)

one

All my fears add up to one

I wonder how it would feel
Would it hurt this time around
I wonder will I cry again
Could a smile remain on my face forever
I get a sense of warmth
A dusty heat around my neck
My eyes begin to wonder
My thinking is diminshing
Will I ever kiss again
A simple touch on the face
A twinkle of an eye lid
I wonder will my fears ever go away
Im afraid of heights
The pressure is on
I am my own worst enemy
I can’t trust myself
I have no care in the world for believing
I can’t trust anyone
Everyone will hurt me

The day I can feel again
The day I can kiss again
The day I won’t cry anymore
Will be the day I’ll never see
My faith has left
My desire to feel is extinct

If it was so easy to overcome
I could visit a familiar face
I could listen to common songs
I could close my eyes and see color
If it could be easier
My words would be in vain
My fear would be so simple to conquer
I want so much & need so little
Im afraid to fight for it
I have a right
I have a reason
Once it’s released
It will be praised

& then It will be as easy as breathing

equal

I see the most in what isn’t possible
When the rain pours, I smile discreetly
I wipe my hands with evergreen leaves
And wash my face with grape soap
I accept what is not given to me
I always reap what I sow

When the sky is clear, my days are dark
When my cup is full, emptiness is all I see
I return the favor by smiling
I execute my sorrow by laughing
I reject all ideas of promises
I define my own reality

I am wiser than ever before
I have a crumb of pride deep inside
In the middle of my heart where the peace lies
The bitterness will soon die
I need to love, I need to care
All I ask is for my life to be fair

soul mate

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life…

E. Gilbert

charmingly human

Rise and Shine
This new endeavor is ready and mine
Sculpted from a sentiment so deep
Widely driven from the undercoat of heat
I give peace
In which the heart speaks ……..

The time has come
In third person form
Depth with reception of vigorous charm
He weeps, oh he weeps
To have someone enter again
Coming from a wilderness afar

What was fed to him
He ate
High and mighty
His prayers go
Dirty and low; the esteem flows
Watch him wash his hands

See his pupils glow
And view how the hair on his chest grow
Silly stupid him he has been
Letting the bad one back in
It’s time to rock his life away
And never wonder of being left astray

Circling of his world no more
The dizziness fades
Sweet as a donut’s glaze
He’s finally over that phase
When he thought he fell
He just realize he was over that spell

His writing rhymes with repetition
Something his life never lacks
The time has come to finally live peacefully
To be right without reason
Elegantly believing his heart
To be faithful without return

Beautifully blowing his own mind

...

"Maybe you're only allotted a certain amount of tears per man; and I've used mine up."

loved.

I’ve experienced a lot in the past 11 months
I have loved someone deeply
I even said “ I love you” a few times

We slow danced to Rascal Flatts
I had given him my all
I even bought him long stemmed roses

I’ve traveled a few times to see him
I have written many poems about him
I even go on his facebook page to see his pictures

We walked on the beach holding hands
I had given him a massage while our favorite songs were playing
I even brought him around my family

I’ve cared so much
I have seen the magnitude of my love
I even cried

I was true
I was honest
I was real

I wanted him to love me like I loved him
I needed him to be my friend
I wanted him to talk to me like I talked to him
I needed him to be my vessel

For me to worry
For me to think about him all day
For me to fight for what I believed
I was a fool

I was a distant dreamer
I was blinded by reality
I was a young man who fell in love
For me to be out my mind

Then …

I remember his face when I surprised him in April
I remember us running after each other at the park
I remember waking up & looking into his eyes
I remember the look he gave me when I first told him I loved him
I remember tickling him until he begged me to stop
I remember the way he said my name when we were making love

Then I remembered …

How foolish I felt when I came to see him
How empty I felt when the anniversary arrived
How my heart melted when he laughed
How did I get so deep

I got addicted to loving someone
I got addicted to being caring
I was finally on my last cry for help

Now…

I have the strength to say I’m tired
Now I have the right to leave it alone
I finally loved truthfully & faithfully

I just pray I will not gain bitterness
I just pray for him & his happiness
I just pray whomever the next person for me maybe…

He loves me like I LOVED,
Loving me right the first time around because now I know my worth

So my journey begins…